The missing comes in waves, and the disappointment. The confusion, well, it's always been there.

A sinking feeling that I've just let something beautiful slip through my hands.

Wallowing somewhat, my music library and tastes make it all too easy. Eventually, catharsis, perhaps?

I've never been comfortable breaking the silence, especially at a public or semi-public venue with more than a couple of people around. It feels like too much of an imposition of myself on a space or audience that couldn't care less.

That being said, is sa.yona.la really this quiet, or is most of the activity just kept private?

In an attempt at more productive procrastination, I've been reading Code Complete. It seems only fitting, since the next stage of our work would seem to be redesigning and re-implementing quite a chunk of our current Google Docs syncing code, which I played a major part in messing up.

Sure, it works (most of the time anyway) but it's gotten too unwieldy and kludgy and unmanageable, and is difficult to test.

I should begin to collect any factors or caveats that would affect our redesign.

Today I learned to think things through. More precisely, the necessity of learning to think things through was once again driven home.

An unconsidered edge case caused a bug -- the number of children a folder can have on Google Docs isn't limited, but in our server DB the field storing this (as a JSON list, which is another design crime I feel I'm gonna pay for), there was a character limit of 65,535.

Bandage, short-term solution? Change the field type from TEXT to LONGTEXT, for a 4-billion character limit, much less likely to be reached in common cases. (Arguably even the previous limit would be reached only rarely, but is possible for a few thousand files in a folder, so it wouldn't have been THAT uncommon...) Then fix the corrupted (truncated) data, thankfully only a couple of test folder rows.

Why does going through Carol Dweck's Mindset again feel just as much like an epiphany as the first time? (Apparently, it didn't stick, and I had just reverted back to my stubborn fixed-mindset ways.)

Focus on growth. Recognize and learn from your failures -- don't let them discourage and define you.

Stop moping. Think instead, "What am I going to do about it?"

Maybe then you won't feel like you have to keep hiding different bits of yourself from different people.

I haven't been writing enough. It's time to begin producing again.